happyphyulewin's Xanga

Make a difference to Burma Cyclone Victims!!

Thu, 15 May 2008 10:40:57 GMT

Fund-Raising program in Chang Gung University , Taiwan

what's most important?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:10:26 GMT

I am thinking, if one day, i acheive all my aims and destinations, will i be happy? Or i might probably be regretting for missing all those happiness and sadness that my love ones have been facing. I just don't feel like doing anything that i'm doing right now. I am not happy, i know that. But what could be done? Give up med school? No no no. My mom, my aunts and my uncles are gonna be really upset about it. errr........................ whatever.

Can't sleep again

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 16:28:31 GMT

I am feeling empty. I can't sleep. I desperately need someone to talk to, someone who knows me well. Someone who cares about me at anytime, someone who i can reach at anytime. I am weak! Stupid me. Idiot! Well, i wanna scream, scream out loud.
Maybe that's a sign, i'm not really into what i'm doing right now. s*** just shoot me!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:53:42 GMT

You deserve hell if you can't control yourself!!!!!

Dear internet

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 03:15:37 GMT

I have no access to internet these days as the school had cut my IP off. I wan't sure what was the reason but I think it's because of downloading "we belong together" , an album of Marieh Carey. I shouldn't havve done that , I regret, coz I could actually listen to it on youtube too. Life without internet is kinda like hell to me. Hope it'll be ok soon. Good bless me!!

April Fool

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:17:16 GMT

It's a really special day today!!!! Well, how do I say, I am happy and at the same time sad as well ,but not sad tho, ahhh, kinda complicated. I feel so stupid to have cried to my boyfriend like a baby , shouting out loud, telling him that none of my friends are coming to my birthday party. And still so stupid to have been fooled. lol. Nick said why would I ever be that stupid ( he then changed it to innocent coz i was pissed) not to realize that my buddies are planning a surprise party for me ,instead ruining all the things they've been planning for a long time. Well, but then , I was really touched and happy though. I still kept crying but I admit that was because I was really touched. Nobody ever cares that much about my personal stuff , nobody!! For this, I have to thank Angela & Cindy, those sweet naughty little girls. Well, that was my fault to not know you guys enough but I am really really touched. you guys made me know that I sometimes could be important too. I think there's gonna be a big impact in my life because of this very speical unforgettable moment. Coz, i'm gonna believe that sometimes, I am loved too, and I deserve love too!!! Thanks again Angie and Cindy. How lucky i've met you guys. =) Peace!!!

why

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 12:44:27 GMT

Sad, lonely and miserable. My whole life is a big mess. I hate myself! I feel like disappearing from the world. I wish I never exist.

behind these hazel eyes

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:46:24 GMT

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

IT's has been a long time~

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:42:31 GMT

:D It's been a long time that i haven't updated my blog as I got nothing special to write. I was just repeating the old, boring and tiredsome daily routine. Right now, during my lovely summer holiday, i'm repeating sth again ~ I think most ppl are doing the same thing, repeating different things at different period. Schooling for YEARS and then,,Working for YEARS and then resting FOREVER~ I don't know why we have to be like this??? Anyway, I believe there's always another choice.

This morning, as i was repeating sweeping the floor like I do everyday, some thoughts run into my mind. Well, I confess that these thoughts have been bothering me since a year ago but they grow stronger and stronger while I find myself working eight hours aday for things that I think are not important enough. Am I really working as a waitress in a restaurant? Well, I am sure it has nothing to do with vanity but it's just so ridiculous. One and a half year ago, I carefully thought of what to do and where to go next and I am sure it was not an accidence that i'm being here working for my school fees. Everything was expected. If I took English tests and apply for US , I would probably be accepted but what if I don't get the scholarship? Even if I get the scholarship, would I be able to attend med? So how about Singapore? If I get med there, what would i do if I don't get the scholarship while the school fees are too high compared with Taiwan's. Taiwan was the most desirable place as I was sure i would get Med and even if I don't get scholar, I could still afford it. At that time, I was so sure that things will pay off one day but why ? why? why do I feel so lost now? Independence , it is. I found out that it's not easy to stand on my own two feet and finish my seven-year schooling and it's nearly impossible. Tears run down out of helplessness whenever I hear my mother saying that she's sending money to me. I don't want the money, I want to refuse it, but can I? NO WAY~ I should have had confidence on myself instead of convincing myself that things are already good enough. Oh, i'm so confused now.

AAARRRR , What am I gonna do??

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:13:24 GMT

Wow,, how time flies? It's already the end of a school year now and I still feel that I haven't learned anything rigid yet. Oh my god!!! Am I gonna waste my time like this for the next 6 years?? Or,, am I doing well? I don't know. The truth is that I have always been very occupied that sometimes even don't have time to scratch my itchy mosquito bites. Awww,, but I really haven't learned anything, ,believe me!! Nothing is left in my mind now!!